15 November 2009 Sunday

I went to see 'Mother' by Bong Joon-ho last night, followed by an interview with the director himself. After the formal part of the interview, the audience was invited to ask questions. The last question was raised by a Korean woman, asking her 'question' not to be translated into English. She would like the director to think more carefully about how Korea and her culture are portrayed through his films especially with foreign audience in mind, although she accepts that some of such portrayals are intended as social criticisms. Waves of applauses broke out as the director began answering and I found myself clapping with other Korean audience members at "If only 'nice' films are being produced in a country then that is a place that has profound problems." Somehow I don't quite believe his claim that he had never taken a part in student demonstrations :) I didn't really take much notice of this director before ... must ask K.

13 November 2009 Friday

Stim: What can you find in yourself that you think is self-defeating, seems perverse, like troublemakers, to undermine us in some ways, something limiting, seem unnatural? What do you learn about these things by taking more accepting and participatory approach -- not only informs but starts to give sense of a large dimensionality that is the context of these tendencies.

12 November 2009 Thursday

Gaya: I mean life is ... kind of precious. It can just go like that.
E nods...so it is natural to contract? like an instinct?... like the instinct to be shy?
Gaya thinks ... We have different ways of coping with life ... could be withdrawing for a bit, taking stock or being shy ... I think it is natural if not interfered with goals and stuff.
E: So then what is it when we are able to open up? Not deny our instincts but somehow transcend the limitedness of them?
Gaya: Because I guess sometimes being shy can hinder things we want to do? ... I think it's good to see it as a natural way to respond as one is now before attempting to open up. Otherwise, it's like building a house on sand ... A lot of self-criticism and fantasising ... saps energy.
C: thinking runs counter to reflexes, then it saps energy
Gaya: So naturalness is useful for accepting where one is maybe ... hm ...
E: ... Mitsu seems to see the opening up as natural if nothing acts to prevent it?
Gaya: Guess it's similar to how I sometimes try let things to take own course ... let them play out rather than interfering out of anxiety.
E nods...let the pot simmer.
Gaya: Trick for me is not being simmered in the pot :P Watch it simmer :)
E: watched pot never boils?
Gaya: oh that fits Eliza :) ... porridge? Watch and stir ...
E: Ohhh or risotto, takes such patience
Gaya: I'm not going to get upset about the work ... if it brings up a lovely risotto afterwards :)
E: Ahhh, yes... the time is worth it
Gaya: How do the Irish make porridge?
S: the traditional way, slowly:)
Gaya: slowly :D
Gaya: I should remember this whenever I feel impatient ... do I want burnt or nicely cooked porridge :)
Gaya: C called being shy etc as reflexes. I think that makes sense.
C: well reflexes should not be thought as intrinsically limited like automatisms
Gaya: Well I guess when it becomes a habit, that's when it is limiting.
S: habitual tendencies maybe?
E: stuck in loops of behavior
Gaya: So ... how do you know when a reflex become a habit in one's behaviour?
E: stagnation?
Gaya: I normally feel uncomfortable when I'm trying to go against what is the best I can do even though limiting from another's point of view.
C: well when you didn't notice it happening, perhaps
S: a repeating pattern?
Gaya: Let's take being shy again. This may repeat for a long while or may never change much.
E: I had a kind of spurt of boldness, and now feel settled... not unshy, but happier in the shyness, friendlier toward it, as Stim might say :)
Gaya nods :) Clearing space ... making some space ...?
E nods...breathing room, circulation, opposite of stagnation
Gaya: So I guess seeing what one has as natural and embrace it fully would lead to the next step towards making space.
E: Hmm, yes Gaya...lead naturally to the next step, as it were

09 November 2009 Monday

On a blog entry regarding "nature of offence", one of explanations of why something could be offensive:

“analysis of behavior that puts the reader in the group being analyzed, and the speaker outside it” ... even to offer a causal analysis of someone else’s behavior is to presume more intelligence, insight, or wisdom than that person."

I've noticed this happening quite a few times already in groups I belong to in SL. At least once I also felt offended precisely because of this reason. But if one makes comments in public, I guess it's unavoidable. I am often guilty of such 'analysis' of another ... something to think about more carefully in the future before speaking.

08 November 2009 Sunday

After talking with A, I realise that my directness can be felt as poking/pushing for some. I think I'm going to keep to myself in general from now on. At the end of the day, this 'which' is not what it matters.

07 November 2009 Saturday

Gaya: You forgot all about it right? You dropped and moved on.
S: ... yes, I didn't give it another thought ... they have to see for themselves, right? ... it would go on and on ...!
Gaya: What to do ... ?
S: um, let it go, maybe?? ... hmmm, just had an idea ... heehee, ask Stim what he thinks :)
Gaya: I'm sure he will say it's all my doing. And say I should sit meditate ... accept, and not expect.
S: Or something like that, certainly would not give an answer.
Gaya: Come dance, I'm at W's favourite club.

Afterwards I sent my last email regarding this. I will see what happens and make a decision then move on.

05 November 2009 Thursday

M: ... a lot of what changes for me over time seems to happen outside of my conscious effort. It seems more that I just set up a sort of context, a view, and maybe do some practice, and then things shift without me actually shifting them. I can feel them shift and if I identify myself as the "larger" being, then one could say "I" am shifting but it's not really an operation like "I want to shift this, so here I am shifting it"
M: It's almost more like I open myself to the possibility of shifting ... I resist it less or actively ignore it less ... and then it shifts on its own so to speak. It's as though it "wants" to operate differently, but I am engaging in a habit of preventing it from naturally settling into a different rhythm. So the most I do is open myself to the possibility, via view as well as practice, but not in an active way trying to make something happen (but also not passive in terms of waiting for something to happen, either). That's the subtle thing: not trying to make it happen, but not sitting around waiting either
P: Sounds like a function related to prayer.
Gaya: How so?
P: 'not trying to make it happen, but not sitting around waiting'
Gaya: hm ... I don't understand it yet. Prayer is like willing/wishing I thought.
P: Having an intent without wilfulness, a wish more than an action or an open receptive wishfulness.
Gaya: So prayer in this sense is more like commitment?
M: Prayer feels to me like you're trying to ask some other being to "do" something whereas this is more like... the universe is already trying to settle itself, including you, in a "natural" way, but I am kind of leaning against it or resisting it so I just open up to the possibility and then the universe naturally flows differently.
D: In some traditions, you explicitly invite the help of the "refuge tree" and remember that you are part of a body of many sentient beings.
Gaya: One can ask oneself I guess in a larger context of me.
P: praying to your Self
M: yes, something like that
P: back to the Atman idea :)
T: :)
P: Remember Michael Valentine Smith's religion in Stranger in a Strange land? Thou Art God, Grok in the Fullness.